The Hogfather Review

First off let me just say I am a really big Terry Pratchett fan, and have read most of the Discworld books, that he has written, so this review may have a slight tint of bias in it, and hopefully it will have some reflection of Terry’s humour in it (although that is a little unlikely as he has had years of writing the stories and I haven’t which makes him the cleverer one when it comes to the Discworld).

Anyway back to the Hogfather, it was basically 2 hours long, over two nights, so that is four hours in all although if you take out the adverts it was more like 3 hours long, seriously why have so many adverts? It was based on Terry Pratchett’s novel from the Discworld series of books. These books are probably the only ones that have had me sniggering out loud wherever I read them, and getting the weirdest looks from people. Honestly I am a huge Pratchett fan, and the series last night followed the book very well, from what I remember of it, which means I will have to get the DVD when it comes out, because it is bound to be released on DVD. Old Rupert Murdoch has to milk it for all he can after all. Plus the good thing about that is there will be no bloomin adverts, except at the start advertising other releases and such like. Which means it is probably going to come in a two-disc set, as they are bound to have one of the disc’s showing the making of the series, and Rupert can then get even more money out of it. Well that is if your in the UK, I don’t know about anywhere else though, do they have Sky in the states?

Sorry I digress, so what is it about, well basically;


“The auditors of the universe want total power, but in order to do so they have to get rid of the things we believe in, in this case The Hogfather (Santa Clause). So they go to the Assassins Guild and purchase an inhuman contract on the Hogfather (Assassins don’t like the name death contract or similar, they prefer to think of somebody who is human to be made In-human rather than killed. Been killed sounds so final and tacky, whereas for someone to be made not human anymore is far better!)

So enter Mr. Teatime (or Mr. Te-eh-ti-me-eh as he calls it, it’s still spelt Teatime, but are you going to argue with the best assassin the guild have ever had?), and his little band of men, and one out on his luck wizard. Who has devised the perfect plan to get rid of The Hogfather, which involves kidnapping the Tooth Fairy. He has even thought of a way to assassinate Death himself, although Death will probably have something to say on that one. Hey remember this is the Discworld, and any world that glides through the Universe on the backs of four elephants riding a giant turtle, has things going for it.
So while The Hogfather has ‘gone’ as Death puts it, it is Death himself that steps in to deliver all the presents to the children, ably assisted by his able assistant who is able to help him, and also has a name close to able, in that his name is Albert. Also Susan, Death’s adopted grand-daughter. But they only have until Hogwatch to get people to believe again in the Hogfather, if they don’t then the sun will not rise in the morning.

So who is in it and is it any good? Well the answers to the questions are pretty straight forward. The first is just about any British star who is anyone is in it, and is it any good? Too bloody right it is! But if I was just to write that down then that would mean this review would be finished and that would be very sad, as it would not do the series justice, so let me break it down by the main players.

Death

Weird one this as the body is played by Marnix Van Den Brooke, but the voice is that of Ian Richardson. Thankfully, it all comes together pretty well, although I would like to have seen the permanent set of teeth in Deaths face actually part when he talked rather than just stay in place all the bloomin time, like someone who has used too much denture fix and got their teeth stuck together, or a parody of Tony Blair’s non stop smile. Having said that, it is good how the character has to try going from someone you really don’t want to see, to someone you really do, and to try to learn how to be “Mr. Nil Smiles “ to “Mr. Ho Ho Ho” (that’s HO HO HOOOOO!) Isn’t easy, but it is pretty funny. The trouble is though with Death, he takes everything literally, so kids really do get what they want, even if it is a sword. Death also has his normal day job to do as well, so it’s a really busy time for him.
The god news is that Sky One have got the balance just about right, and they have made Death into a believable and dare I say likeable character, which will please Death, because he is always trying to find ways to become more “human”.

Albert

Played so well by David Jason, he is just perfect for the part. Albert is Death’s man-servant, and former wizard. Albert thought that a spell to summon Death said backwards would keep him away. Unfortunately for Albert it sent him to Death’s domain, fortunately for Albert Death needed a bit of housekeeping doing. Albert is there to try and teach Death to be more human, and to try and get into the spirit of the Hogfather. In a memorable quote when asked if Death was any good, he says “Oh yes, the kids don’t know whether to laugh, cry or wet themselves” at the site of Death in a Santa suit. Albert also dressed as an Elf, and has the arduous task of drinking the sherry, and eating the Pork pie left out for the Hogfather. Mind you he did mistake a turnip for a pork pie the once, but it did look like a pork pie.



Susan

Death’s adopted grand-daughter played by Michelle Dockery, she is the governess to a fairly well off couples children, and we fist meet her when one of the children is been kept awake by the monster in the cellar. One bashing with a poker later and all is well, until the Bogeyman decides to hide under the bed, and Susan uses ‘the voice’ on him, after threatening to put a blanket over him. That is one thing Bogeymen are most afraid of, put a blanket over them and they can’t see, they then think that they don’t exist.
It’s up to Susan to track down the Evil Mr. Teatime, and stop him from ‘assassinating’ the Hogfather, before her grandfather has delivered all the presents.

Mr. Tea-eh-ti-me-eh(Teatime)

Played by Marc Warren, this is one character I was disappointed by, it is probably because Warren plays him like Johnny Depp played Willy Wonka. He even sounded exactly like Willy Wonka, down to the pathetic laugh/chuckle, I even expected him to come out with “Good Morning Sunshine”.
Having said that, there is still the underlining menace there which does add the extra chill to the part.
Mr. Teatime has worked out a way to get rid of The Hogfather, and any other anaphormorphic personalities that may be in the minds and beliefs of people. It involves collecting together all the teeth collected by the Tooth Fairy of all the children in the world, and casting a controlling spell. Once cast the ex-owners of the teeth will be under Teatime’s control, and if he says don’t believe in the Hogfather, the Hogfather will no longer be.
Not very nice Mr Teatime, he also has a pure black glass eye, not that I dislike anyone with glass eyes, but on Willy Wonka, I mean Mr. Teatime it just looks not nice at all.

On with the synopsis then,

Because belief in the Hogfather is diminishing, it means that there is lots of ‘spare’ belief floating about (So says HEX the Unseen University’s (Wizard school) super-computer)). This is a really bad thing, especially with the Arch chancellor Mustrum Ridcully (Joss Ackland), throwing comments about all over the place like asking if anyone has come across the Verruca Gnome in the pipes to the bathroom, or why they have a God of wine, but not a “Oh God of all Hangovers”. So with all this spare belief it’s only a matter of time before they are created. Just don’t mention the Eater of Socks, ahhh too late.

Susan rescues the “Oh God of all hangovers” from the Castle of Bones (The Hogfather’s legendary home), and sets off for the Tooth Fairy’s castle to confront Mr. Teatime. Then she has to take on the Auditors who have taken the form of dogs.

So what of the production itself? Well let’s just say Sky have really done a first class job, the locations, special effects, make-up, and all other things to do with the series are top notch. There are a few mistakes that will have true Terry Pratchett die hard nuts that even read the small print in the books, that you can’t really read as it is such small print, up in arms. But otherwise it brings to life the Discworld and Ankh-Morpork as if it was a town in Britain. The characters that play incidental roles are as I have imagined them in the stories. Corporal Nobbs sitting on Death’s knee, with Death struggling to find out what species he is, is classic Pratchett.




Although the costumes in the production suggest Dickens London, there are still things in this to suggest that it is taking place on another world, and the fact that Pratchett himself makes an appearance as the Toymaker, suggests he must have given a lot of things approval, and been consulted on the show throughout.

Despite the fact there are over 30 Discworld books out there, and despite the fact that Pratchett is constantly in the top 10 of book sales, and in the top 10 of authors worldwide, none of his books have been made into live action films, until now. Hogfather is not in my opinion the best Discworld novel, that one is probably “Feet of Clay”, but it has been released cleverly at the right time of year to coincide with Christmas.

I am happy to report that Terry Pratchett hasn’t ruled out permission for making another of his books to the big screen, which for fans is great. Even for non-readers of his books it’s great because the books are great and they deserve to receive some great recognition.

I only hope if they do make another book into a film, they make “Feet of Clay”, as this is one of the best Discworld novels that I have read, and is centred around the Watch, which means more of Nobby Nobbs.

Thank you Sky One

Rating *****